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I was late, standing in line during my lunch hour to return a shirt The Kid spent about a half-second glancing at before making the most horribly disgusted look I’d ever see on his face, when the 6-year-old in front of me starting acting up.
“Please, Mommy. Please!” she cried as she waved a pink-boxed doll in her mother’s direction.
“Not today.”
“I WANT IT!” she screamed, and then took the box and smashed it into her mom’s leg.
Mom looked pretty horrified.
Of course, I can remember when Trent pulled similar antics on me. What parent — well, modern-day parent — hasn’t experienced that?
But that little scenario never crossed my mind when I was imagining what having a baby would be like. I thought about carefree days at the beach making sandcastles; baking chocolate chip cookies together; biking and hiking and exploring the wonders
of nature. I thought about the fun times.
I never once imagined having a kid would involve meltdowns in the checkout line at
Target or sleepless nights holding a croupy
child in a steamy-hot bathroom or moments of sheer panic when he disappeared at the park
or how many times Rob and I were exhausted, pissed off, fought or were resentful over something related to The Kid.
And if I saw that happening to others, I thought, “It will be different for me.”
Yeah, right!
“Children may provide unrivaled moments
of joy. But they also provide unrivaled moments of frustration, tedium, anxiety, heartbreak,” writes Jennifer Senior in “All Joy and No Fun: Why Parents Hate Parenting.” “Loving one’s children and loving the act of parenting are not the same thing.”
But, isn’t that the same for just about
everything?
When I met Rob, it was magical — we laughed,
we talked, we dreamed, we had great sex, we played so well together. “Oh, so that’s what we look like as a couple,” I thought.
Then we got married.
And a new couple emerged. It’s not what I expected. Resentment, frustration, anger, obliviousness — where did these things come from?
Then we had Trent. Again, a new couple, emerged, and a new me — me as Mom.
It’s not what I expected.
Then I got divorced.
During the confusing, painful months before and after our marriage busted up, I didn’t know what to expect — and that, oddly enough, made me open to the possibilities of what was, not what I thought it would be.
I had no expectations of what my future would be like; I had no friggin’ idea. It wasn’t part of the plan — you know, fall in love, get married, have kids, white-picket fenced house … I had never been a 40-something divorced mom of a kid in suburbia. And so I never felt like something was wrong (well, despite my grieving over my marriage, which was fast becoming my past) or right. There was no road map to follow, no blueprint of what being a 40-something divorced mom of a kid in suburbia looked like.
Everyone talks about how having unrealistic expectations messes things up — dating, marriage, parenting — but it’s hard not to have any expectations. Still, the fewer we have, the happier we seem to be.
So, I realized you can take what Jennifer says about kids and replace it with whatever you’re struggling with and it still makes sense:
“Dating may provide moments of joy, but it also can provide moments of frustration, tedium, anxiety, heartbreak …”
“Marriage may provide moments of joy, but it also can provide moments of frustration, tedium, anxiety, heartbreak …”
“College may provide moments of joy, but it also can provide moments of frustration, tedium, anxiety, heartbreak …”
“Work may provide moments of joy, but it also can provide moments of frustration, tedium, anxiety, heartbreak …”
Because we think we know what they “should” look like, and then we get disappointed when it differs from our expectations.
I had no expectations of divorced life, and, you know, it has moments of joy, frustration, anxiety, heartbreak. But, I am happier than I ever could have imagined. What do I make of that?
What have you ever gotten yourself into that you think, “Hmm, it’s not what I expected …”?
Have you ever gone into something with no expectations, and been happily surprised?
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Valentine’s Day isn’t a “holiday” I generally celebrate. I think it’s more important to show affection, romance and appreciation year-round instead of just one day a year. This particular Valentine’s Day brought a few surprises:
The first surprise came in the form of two dozen red roses from a man I had gone out on a few dates with, but didn’t think it was progressing into anything – we hadn’t even kissed. In fact, I felt as though our “relationship”, if you want to call it that, was fizzling out and we would both fade away. Guess I was wrong.
All day long I dreaded having to make the phone call to thank this man, but also say no thanks. I put it off until about 4 p.m., but felt if I waited any longer it would be both disrespectful and passive aggressive. Luck happened to be on my side as I got his voice mail and was able to thank him for the roses and for his friendship. (OK, so that’s a bit passive aggressive, but it’s better than leading him on through a game of phone tag.)
The second surprise was much more awkward and unsettling.
There’s a man I’ve written about that I have dated on and off over the past several years and have this visceral reaction to whenever we talk or run into one another. Back in December I decided that I wasn’t going to continue to this merry-go-round dating thing we have going on any longer as it just creates emotional havoc for me.
In this instance, I was passive aggressive. Back in late-November/early-December, I had picked up a few things for his son and decided to drop them off in this man’s work mailbox rather than giving them to him in person. (We work in the same company, but in different divisions.) I wrote a short note and included a copy of a blog post I wrote about him and my decision to move on. I had assumed he received these items a while ago and figured no outreach from him was confirmation he understood my position.
Valentine’s Day rolls around and I get an IM from this man telling me how “TRULY AMAZING” I am! (Yes, he used all caps.) I had no idea what he was talking about but soon found out that he had just checked his work mailbox and discovered what he thought was a care package from me given to him on Valentine’s Day.
He ended up reading my note and blog post while we had this IM conversation going and apologized for ever hurting my feelings or making me feel unappreciated. He said that he thinks about me often and how amazing it felt whenever we were together, but that it’s been a mix of bad timing and him being scared. (That’s pretty funny because what I feel for him scares the hell out of me, but I took a chance.) It was nice to hear, but doesn’t change anything.
It was an awkward conversation for a while that then turned into superficial exchanges until we both needed to focus on work. This could have been an easy fade-away, but I had previous plans later that week to work remotely from his building. (I have a concert to go to and there were special events in the city that required road closures and working from his building meant I wouldn’t get stuck in traffic and be late for my Friday night plans.) I almost changed my mind about working remotely because I didn’t want him to think I was stalking him, but I decided I shouldn’t inconvenience myself or hide from him.
Of course, within about 30 minutes of arriving, He walks by the conference room I am in and waves to me. From the angle I was facing I thought he was another friend who was moving on to another role and wanted to give my congratulations — I started to stand up and wave to my friend only to find out my mistake. (UGHHH!) Of all the times to not recognize someone immediately and appear over-eager in seeing a person! I guess the positive from this is that we both know there’s no animosity on either side.
So, all-in-all, it was a very ironic Valentine’s Day leading to a few awkward encounters! So glad it’s just one day a year.
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Liebe Listenmitglieder,
dies ist eine erste Mail an alle.
Gruss RalfD
--
Ralf Mattes
Hochschule für Musik Freiburg
Projektleitung HISinOne
Schwarzwaldstr. 141, D-79102 Freiburg
http://www.mh-freiburg.de
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There are those of you that may be wondering if I have some kind of technique for getting women to approach me. The answer is yes. Over the years, I've perfected this technique. This same technique also works to get eye contact. It's based on two points of reference. It's based on the many women who have approached me or given me eye contact, and it's based on my observations of who my female friends talk about, stare at, and try to get the attention of the most in nightclubs.
First, understand that women are very similar to men when it comes to who they try to get the attention of and approach the most. As a guy, you put most of your efforts into two types of women: the women that are alone, and the women that don't look like they are having too much fun. For one reason or another, you see these women as your best shot at getting the attention of a woman via eye contact or a successful approach. Women are no different than men in that respect.
So how do you use this to your advantage? First, you have to break away from your friends; preferably to somewhere in the nightclub where you will be highly visible. This will advertise to women that you are available and easy to approach. If you are attractive, women will see this as their best chance to get your attention via eye contact or their best chance to successfully approach you.
You have to remember that women will place their efforts into the men that seem the most approachable. Even if you are an attractive guy, they will put most of their eye contact efforts into the attractive guys that they stand the best chance to get noticed by. Also they will not want to approach you in front of your friends, as they are just as nervous as you would be if you were in thier position, which means that the more people you're with, the less likely they are to approach you.
Next, you want to remain as stoic as possible. If you happen to be with a wingman having too much fun, they will feel like they would be interrupting your fun if they were to approach you. A stoic face sends out the signal that it's ok to approach you, as you are not preoccupied with anything else.
Does remaining stoic and standing alone make you look bad or devalue you any? No. If you're a physically attractive guy, then you're a physically attractive guy. They see it as their best chance to get your attention or approach you, as it is as easy as possible for them.
The vast majority of women that have made eye contact and/or approached me did so when I looked bored and stoic or when I was standing alone. And when my female friends point out or approach a guy that they want, he is usually standing alone. Use this information to your advantage by breaking away from your friends every now and then when you're out.
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There are many other joint inflammation issues that can occur in dogs. These include hip dysplasia, dislocation of the knee, rheumatoid arthritis and ankylosing spondylitis among many others. This means that every pet owner must be well informed about these types of ailments so that they can administer the best treatment available. You can ask your vet to guide you in the right direction of making the best CBD oils for dogs with arthritis.
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As an added measure, some of the websites that sell CBD products offer a wide selection of different items, including CBD oil. Not only is it highly addictive, it is also legal in some states. Different types of oil are offered by these websites, including flowery, gummy, and medicinal. Most websites allow a person to browse by specific type, which is helpful for someone who wants to buy products for use at home, or has little experience with these products. Some websites also specialize in different types of CBD products, including dietary supplements, massage, inhalers, balms, and more.
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If you are interested in buying a product like Delta-8, it is important to research different distributors. Some offer free samples, others offer bulk pricing discounts, while still others can offer special promotions and incentives. Many of the websites that sell CBD products do not require consumers to pay any sort of up front costs. Researching different companies and different products is highly recommended before placing an order.
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<p><strong>Useful Resources:</strong></p>
<p><a href="https://openrathaus.melle.info/web/03459024-001-0000071210-198/home/-/blogs…">Use of Passionate Style and Strong Speculation in Argumentative Essay</a></p>
<p><a href="https://monitorul.fisc.md/profile/brunoweber/">How to Start an Essay: Your Ultimate Guide to a Winning</a></p>
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